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Max Rebo Band
"I pretend I'm thirsty Salt Hacking Chucky, huge dry Hume Wow! I get between the stupified Cold chives, plastic surgeon's eyes!" -Sy Snootles singing "Lapti Nek" The Max Rebo Band performed at Jabba's palace. They were paid in donuts. Sy had a part time job as a model to earn cash. Band Members "Donuts, donuts, donuts donuts donuts, donuts!" -Max Rebo, saying the only word he knew how to say Max Rebo Max Rebo was a fat blue elephant who had an insatiable appitiete for donuts. He was rather dumb and personally oversaw the contract between Jabba and the Band. Jabba- So, you want to perform here in my palace? Max Rebo- (Nods) Jabba- how many band members you got? Max Rebo- (Counts to three on his fingers, shrugs) Jabba- Can you talk at all? Max Rebo- (Nods) Jabba- Well, what do you want to get paid in? Max Rebo- Donuts. It turned out Max Rebo could only say the word donuts and nothing else. How he even managed that nobody is sure, because he had no mouth. He was on the sail barge when it exploded, puting an end to his donut-indulgent life. Sy Snootles Sy Snootles was so funny-looking only Jabba would hire her. She regretted letting Max negotiate the contact, as all he could say was "donuts." She was the singer of the band and often attempted to swallow the camera. She once had a relationship with Jabba's uncle, who was so feminine that Sy dumped him shot him in the chest and stole his dad's diary. She believed that she was beautiful because one time another Pa'lowick won the Miss Coruscant award. She was not aware (as most people were not) that there had been a mixup and the award was actually supposed to go to a Twi'lek named Sylvia, who was to recieve the award not only because she was hot but also because her last name was actually Coruscant. Droopy McCool Droopy McCool was also known as Snot Snit. He was called that by his former boss, Evar Orbus, or as other people called him, "Mr. Birdie Guy with a Headset." Droopy was very gullible and actually believed there were other Kitonaks on Tatooine. He had an obesity problem he was very insecure about. Just kidding, oblivious to. It wasn't that he was fatter than normal, it was that he only ate once a month. And when he ate, he ate one. Little. Slug. That. Was. Purple. Not that the purple part made a difference. Joh Yowza Joh Yowza was a big, orange, furry, singing ant who was very annoying and came from Endor. He didn't try to swallow the camera like Sy, but he could have if he wanted to. (Unlike Sy, whose mouth was too small.) When he sang he played an imaginary guitar (since he couldn't buy a real one with donuts) yelled as loud as possible and opened his mouth as wide as possible to show off his his enormous uvula. He was also a skilled tap dancer. During performances the band would have to play louder to be heard over Yowza's singing. Rappertunawanatanalanalanalanaw--- oh, forget it, I can't pronounce that, it's too long. Because of his ridiculously long name, Rapotwanalantonee Tivtotolon '''(and yeah, I just went on Wookieepedia and pasted his name in) just went by Rappertunie, Toony, Da Rappuh, Ratpatootie, Kermit or Tuna Wrapper. He came from a swamp and he joined the Max Rebo Band, sitting on a bump on the floor as he used his fingers to play the flute and his toes to play the... er, bump. He also had a really big belly like Watto. Doda Anotherunpronounceablename Doda Bo-do-na-wi-ee-do was a male Rodian with a long name. It meant "He who does things in the most difficult way imaginable." Barquin D'an Barquin D'an was a Bith who played a duet with Doda Bodaweedodude. Also he was the brother of the same guy who led the Cantina Band. Only this guy was stupid enough to actually play at Jabba's palace where people got fed to the rancor every day, instead of a nice bar where people got their arms cut off and served to them in their own drinks before they got shot by smugglers and had their bodies hidden in the basement and... Eh, he was actually pretty smart. I mean, you can only get fed to Jabba's rancor if you're dumb enough to stand on the trapdoor. Then again, he was pretty stupid... '''Lyn Me Lyn Me Lyn Me was a white Twi'lek who had a crush on Boba Fett. She didn't know what he looked like, but she still had a crush on him, kinda like online dating. She followed him the Holonet @BobaFettBounties. She applied for a job as a dancer at Jabba's to be with him, even as she saw yet another dancing girl fed to the rancor for tripping on her costume. She managed to speak with him for one minute and wasn't even jealous when he gave more attention to Rystall, because she just wanted to be within five feet of him. Rystall Sant Nobody was sure why Rystall's body suit had toenails. For all they knew her suit was a part of her body. But anyway, she was a slave, freed by Lando, and Max Rebo was a family friend (???) so she got an easy job and five minutes with Boba Fett. Greeata Jendowanian Greeata was a Rodian like Doda Whatshisname and they may have had a relationship. Female Rodians smell really bad, so she had to wear bracelets to keep herself from sweating Rodian nastiness. Made no sense, but whatever. Yarna d'al' Gargan and Oola Yarna d'al' Gargan and Oola, though seen performing with the band, were slaves and not actually part of the band. but we'll cover them here anyway. Yarna d'al' Gargan Yarna was very fat. Jabba liked to have a fat dancer around and kept her that way intentionally to suit his wierd taste. Lapti Nek, the title of the band's greatest song, composed by Max Rebo and Sy Snootles, translated to "Work it Out" in English and was dedicated to Yarna to help her lose some weight, unaware that Jabba wanted her to be fat. She lost weight after Jabba was gone and danced at the wedding of Leia and Han Solo. Oola Oola was a Twi'lek girl who wanted to see the galaxy. Bib Fortuna took her away on his ship and presented her to Jabba. Oola soon danced for him regularly and explored much of the palace. She soon became bored because she had explored the entire palace. Bib Fortuna had secretly cheated her because as Jabba's slave she could not leave Jabba's side. So when Jabba announced that he was going to go on a cruise to visit his uncle on the other side of Tatooine, everyone was on their best behavior so they could get out of the palace. Jabba, however, was making it difficult for Oola to dance, because he kept pulling her chain and making her trip. Finally Oola had enough and started yanking back, asking how he liked it. Jabba responded by activating the trapdoor to the rancor pit, where she was eaten. Barquin D'an quit the band after that. But how could he do that when he committed suicide on the sail barge? Was this retconned or something? Actually, he was probably so stupid that after he quit he decided he was sick of working for Jabba and committed suicide. Post-''Jedi'' "So... now what?" -Sy Snootles looking at Jabba's destroyed sail barge After the death of Max Rebo (who was later found alive and running his own business (Max's Flanth-Flavored Donuts) Sy and Droopy became a singing duo. They broke up after Droopy heard from someone that there were Kitonaks in the desert and wandered off westward never to be seen again. Droopy of course turned up partying with a tribe of Tusken Raiders, oblivious to the fact that the party was actually a sacrificial ritual. Yup. Sy Snootles became a very unsuccessful vocalist. She found work on Nal Hutta and spent the rest of her life entertaining an entire cantina full of Jabbas. At least without Max she got paid in cash instead of donuts. Joh Yowza invented heavy metal. Because before there was just jazz, rock, and the movie soundtrack. And he got a real guitar. Yay, happy ending! Until that one kid with the magnifying glass showed up. Poor hairy ant man. He was of course run out of town by Jowza's many (nonhuman) fans. Rappertunie went back to the swamp he came from. He couldn't actually remember which one he came from, so he's currently touring Dagobah, Nal Hutta, and Louisiana. Barquin D'an, tired of working for Jabba, had jumped into the Sarlaac, forgetting that being eaten by a Sarlaac meant a thousand years experiencing a new definition of pain and suffering. Guess he was stupid. Lyn Me rescued Boba Fett from the Sarlaac, and Boba thanked her by promptly marrying someone else. Rystall and Greeata formed a duet and began singing in bars. They got run out of town for singing their greatest hit, "Kick The Ranat," when Ranats happened to be chilling in the vicinity.